Although we had so much up and down with Patch, face it there's no such thing as a perfect being in this world, he and I had instant connection. At that time, my husband felt like we shouldn't have to travel for 2 hours just to adopt a dog, but in my heart I knew Patch was the one.
As I picked him in my arm, which I thought he would be a little lighter, he leaned on me as if he wanted to tell me I trusted you. We brought him home and provided him with love and affection, and he reciprocated every time.
Days, weeks and months went by, the next we knew, years went by. When our baby, Desmond, was born, Patch didn't behave at his gentlest manner. As a matter of fact, Patch always went crazy, ran around and acted hyper around the baby, which we always felt nervous about. As Desmond and Patch grew together, Desmond learned to be gentle around animals, and Patch became accepting toward Desmond as a part of the pack. I always felt that our family was complete. I always wished for a great family, and we had that. Great husband, sweet baby, and an loving dog, who could ask for anything more.
When Patch was 3 years old, I threw him a party. My husband probably ridiculed me, though he never made a comment about it, I figured if we gave Desmond his first birthday, it was only fair to celebrate Patch's birthday too. I didn't think it would be Patch's last birthday.
On May 30th, 2014, we loss him, a great dog who always made us a family. A week before, he was his usual maniac-patchy-self, chased frisbee, ran around being silly, and acted his corky-goofy-self. Then the next week, he stopped chasing frisbee. We noticed he panted a lot as if he got heat-stroke. He started sleeping more and acted lethargic. We took him to the vet that week. The vet took X-ray and blood work. The vet thought he might contracted Canine Meningitis, because his white blood cell was so elevated and his X-ray came back with Cervical Spinal Stenosis. The vet sent the blood test to a lab. We didn't hear anything about the result the day after, but we noticed Patch's condition had gotten worse. He had tremor on his hind legs and when he walked he was very wobbly. I thought at first it was the muscle relaxant medication that caused that, but we feared that the disease had gotten so much worse.
By 8 p.m that night, we got a phone call from the lab. It was bad news, Acute Leukemia. I was hysterical, unable to continue the phone call, my husband took over the conversation with the lab technician. I knew that last night was our last night together. I held Patch in my arms, never wanted to be part from him that night. He and I spent our last night in the basement where we had a bed futon. I wanted him to be as comfortable as possible, and I wanted him to know I was there for him. I laid my hands on his body all night until morning. At 5 a.m., he yelped in pain and I cried for him. I hugged him until I was ready to make an appointment with the oncologist. I thought to myself, as long as he was happy I would carry him whenever he went. But I realized when the morning came, his condition was even worsen. He barely could relieve himself. I felt his pain, a part of me I wanted him to stay here, but another part knew what I had to do.
We didn't wait until our appointment time to see the oncologist, because I didn't want him to suffer we ran him to the E.R. The oncologist confirmed that it was Acute Leukemia and the prognosis was very poor. My husband and I were faced with the hardest decision we've ever made. I was prepared to pay whatever it took to get Patch healthy again, but the truth was, nothing we could do to make him well again. All efforts would only prolong his suffering, I couldn't do that to my Patch. At 12 p.m, May 30th, 2014, we decided to put him down. There are no words to describe the sorrow that I felt. I lost my best friend, my companion, my guardian, my shadow who always followed me whenever I went. I miss him everyday to this day, a part of me was gone. For the next couple of days, I grief. I couldn't help to try to speak to him to give me a sign, I pulled out my pendulum, I seek out psychic medium. I felt tremendous guilt as if I failed him, I had doubt whether I did the right thing. I felt cheated, I was angry at myself not to see the signs any sooner, I was guilty for a piece of chicken that sit in the fridge that I should have given him on his last night, I felt guilty to let him die in the hospital instead of the comfort of our home. I had always imagined we would grow old together, now that hope just shattered, all I felt was unspeakable pain. I cried for days.
Days went by, and it gets easier overtime, though I still cry when I am reminded of my beautiful Patch who touched my heart. Eventually I am reaching acceptance, with acceptance I am reaching life lessons. I realized, Patch was placed in my life for a purpose, to transcend my soul. He left a heck of paw prints on my heart. His love was so pure, it makes us more brave to find a new love again. His love is was so addictive, we are not afraid to once again give it all.
I am writing this blog to be reminded of the time when I met a beautiful angel who came to this earth in the form of a dog. My beloved Patch, until we meet again in heaven.
10 things I learn from my dog, Patch:
10. It's okay to show your emotions, no need to be subtle in expressing them.
9. Life is worth fighting for, love is worth fighting for, never give up on both.
8. Don't sweat the small stuff, except if it involves free rides, frisbee, balls and stuff animals.
7. Be compassionate to all things, for everything has soul, everything has spirit and everything matters.
6. The only thing to get over grief is by acceptance, then after, you can start remembering happy memories, and finally, embracing life again, and you heal, from healing you reach more wisdom.
5. We all are here to help each other out, and to learn lessons from one another, every time we lost our furry friend, it is a soul that is meant to cross path with ours to pull us closer to the God.
4. Celebrate life, life is too precious not to be filled by the happy memories, cherish family, even the one who pisses on your carpet.
3. Simple things are the best things, live in the moment.
2. Our beloved ones are around us, we just need to be ready to receive their messages.
1. Love like you never love before, love without expecting anything in return, give it all and don't be afraid to find a new love again and again.
If there's such a thing as doggie heaven, Patch would be there, and the only thing I need to do here and now is to make sure that I earn a ticket to go to heaven so one day we'll be reunited again.
Patch, thank you for the best years we had as a family and thank you to give another dog a chance of having a loving home.
No comments:
Post a Comment